You Can Cross That One Off The List

Piercing Day Before

Just about to go under the needle, Summer 2002

Well, it wasn’t exactly on the list of top 100 things I want to do before I die, but I guess I can say that I’ve now experienced an MRI. My knees have sucked pretty much my whole life, but have never really hurt or stopped me from doing much until the last couple months. When I started getting really sharp pains and a popping sensation in my right knee I figured it was time to suck it up and go to the doctor. So, I was scheduled for an MRI and today was the big day. I’ve never really considered myself a big jewelry wearer, but this morning I had to think about and remove all the metal before going in. No watch, no earrings, no wedding ring, no righthand ring, and…..I almost forgot about it…..this one, the oh-my-god-I’m-28-must-do-something-young-quick navel ring I got a few years back. When you accentuate and accessorize something for going on 5 years, it looks pretty funny when you let it revert back to its natural state. My bellybutton looks tiny and I can’t stop gazing at that little naked dot in the middle of my tummy. Oddly, it wasn’t until I was filling out the extensive questionnaire about whether I had a pacemaker or bits of metal in my eye (who has metal in their eye and lives to get an MRI, anyway?) that I remembered my gold crown. The one that I cried and moped about over several days during December and January. I was sure the fact that I was getting a gold crown was going to be immediately obvious to anyone I smiled at and ruin my smile forever. And what do you know, I forgot all about that sucker.

Luckily I was able to leave all my clothes on (no jiggly bits were aired during this exam thank god!) and the nurse was really nice. They told me I’d be able to have music on during the scan, and did I want Soft Rock or Jazz? Yeah, sure, whatever…. I was starting to get a little nervous by then. The soft rock then, the technician says to the other gal in the booth, and then she pushes open what looks like a bombshelter door and I hear a big whoooshh like it’s been hermetically sealed inside there. Great, they’re putting me in this big round cylinder, completely unprotected, and they’re sealing me in here like the air’s not safe for normal people! What’s going on here? So they get me all situated and she tells me through the headphones that I’m going to hear some knocking for about 30 seconds and that will be the first scan. Be sure to lie still she says. O.k. No big deal. What do they do if you’re really fat and don’t fit in the tube? The Beach Boys are singing about the Sloop John B. and I’m staring at the ceiling. The nurse talks into the headphones again and tells me the next one will be 3 minutes or so. This time it’s Juice Newton…..Just call me Angel, of the mo-rning, Angel….. It’s funny what you think about when you have nothing else to do. I think to myself that Juice has to be the crappiest name on the planet. And two seconds later I think, well, at least her parents didn’t name her Fig. Meanwhile, my butt is being shot with magnetic pulses and radio frequencies and I wonder if this was what those belt-o-matic weight loss machines were like in the 50’s. You know, those ones that show smiling ladies with motorized belts slung around their butts just jiggling away the flab? After the belt-o-matic segment, there’s one that sounds like a skipping CD, a loud skipping CD. Through this one I hear Total Eclipse of the Heart. By the end of the scan I hear: Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart…. Ah. So true.

I’ve got half of the Warm Woolies Cardigan Coat done. Finished a lot of it yesterday after seeing the doctor and finding out that I’ll most likely need knee surgery. Knitting all day was good therapy. Doing something for someone else helped keep the tears at bay. I’ll try to post some photos tomorrow.

Oh, and if I develop any cool super powers after all that bombardment with radio and magnetic frequencies, I’ll let you know. I felt a little woozy afterwards so perhaps the cells are mutating already. Personally I’m hoping for some Spidey Senses…..

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One thought on “You Can Cross That One Off The List

  1. Sorry to hear you may need knee surgery – on the bright side, your knees may be better than they ever have been afterward! And lots of knitting while you’re recovering.

    I don’t have any piercings. Did the navel piercing hurt?

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