Wow. It’s been 7 weeks and 1 day since our sweet little boy was born! When I look back, it’s astonishing to me how quickly the time has gone. Our month spent in the Special Care Nursery, each moment feeling like a year of agonizing anguish and effort that would never end, seems like nothing but a blip on Knittymunchkin’s monitor screen. We are so happy to have him home with us finally, and though the last 3 weeks have been a maze of sleepless nights, dirty diapers, restless baby noises, and checking our sleeping baby 1 gajillion times through the night to make sure he’s still breathing (paranoid new parents that we are), there have been lots of laughs, and plenty of love to go around. R. Darling was able to spend 3 more weeks at home with us before having to go back to work yesterday and I feel so lucky, not only to have his amazing support and wonderful help during those weeks of adjustment, but also grateful that he was able to be here to experience everything and make lasting memories for himself of that first part of Knittymunchkin’s life.
And now I am officially a “Stay At Home Mom”. What a bewildering transition this has been for me. I have never once considered myself ambitious or career-driven, nor have I ever felt that my occupation defined me in any way. I have always been content knowing that I do what I do and that makes me neither better or worse than someone else. People inevitably find my occupation interesting though, so perhaps I found more confidence in myself through that interest than I realized. But I’m finding that I am uncomfortable telling people that I stay at home now, that I’m unemployed. It makes me feel mysteriously “less than”. Don’t get me wrong. I have always had the utmost admiration for stay at home Moms and really do feel that it is a choice you make out of love for child. And how can someone possibly think less of that sacrifice? I certainly don’t. And it is most definitely more work than a conventional full-time job. Yet, when the title is applied to myself I feel anxious. Less interesting. Maybe that will change as I get more comfortable in my new role. But either way, I know that I’m making the right decision for myself and our family and that gives me great consolation.
For now, we are spending lots of time napping when possible and getting used to our days at home together. It’s been another big adjustment for me to have someone so completely and totally dependent on me being there at every moment. I was prepared for this challenge, but it still takes some getting used to. I sometimes don’t change out of my pj’s all day or even get out of bed for hours at a time. Forget makeup. And showering every day has even become a forgotten prospect; something low on my list of other “have to’s”. I rarely, if ever, leave the house and I’m afraid I’ll forget how to talk to other humans if I’m not careful. But I’ll get there. I’m already getting better about letting the baby fuss a little bit if I’m doing something, rather than dropping everything to comfort him. That one’s still a struggle because I hate to have him crying, but I know it’s not the end of the world if he does it for a little bit. This mothering thing is definitely exhausting! But it’s all worth it in the end when I’m rewarded with one of these…..
And now, I am free to cross the first thing off my 101 Things in 1001 Days list: “Grow a Munchkin”! And boy do I think he’s a cutie ;)