On Saying Goodbye

When you’re grieving you expect that the world will somehow change with the way that you’ve changed.  That maybe the sun will stop shining because you are crying so hard all you see is darkness.  How could it not, when you feel changed forever?  But it doesn’t.  No one can know how empty you feel inside because your loss is intangible and unknowable to everyone else around you.  Life goes on as it should and though you try to put one foot in front of the other, it’s just not always possible.

This post does not come easy for me today.  Despite all your good thoughts, and my wishing with all my might, I lost my Dad yesterday afternoon.  I wish I had the eloquent words he so deserved to tell you what a wonderful man he was and how important he was to me, that I could make you understand exactly what I’ve lost.  And though he deserved that pretty speech more than anyone I know, I just feel hollow inside.  I loved you with all my heart Dad and I hope you knew that even though I never got to say goodbye.

I’m going to take some time away from this part of my life for a while.  Please don’t worry about me and please don’t take it personally if it takes me a while to get back to reading your blogs and checking my e-mails. I am so grateful for all the kindnesses each and every one of you has shown me and it means so much that you have all been there for me the past few weeks.  I can’ t thank you enough for all of that.  Please take care of yourselves in the meantime and know that even though I am taking time off to take care of myself, I do think of each of you often and hope that your lives are happy and your loved ones are safe.

Until we meet again,

M

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